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The Prophet
The Prophet is from Los Angeles and came to Fresno for school. Currently, he is a student at Fresno City College as a communications major with an emphasis in broadcasting. "I'm not a Playa, I'm a Prophet" is the way Jesse describes himself. He likes nothing more than to spread his "Gospel" to his "Disciples" over the airways of B95. You can hear "Jesse's Commandments" every Thursday at 8:25. In case you missed them here they are:
COMMANDMENTS
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The Prophet
The Prophet is from Los Angeles and came to Fresno for school. The Prophet did his schooling at Fresno City College as a communications major with an emphasis in broadcasting. "I'm not a Playa, I'm a Prophet" is the way Jesse describes himself. He likes nothing more than to spread his "Gospel" to his "Disciples" over the airways of B-95. You can hear "Jesse's Commandments" every Thursday at 8:25. In case you missed them here they are:1)Less Stress, More Sex
2)When a Women Falls, Duty Calls
3)If you got the milk for free, why bye the cow G!
4)If you girl or guy is a cheat, then its time for you to creep
5)If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, date someone who already has a husband or wife
6)If you girl or guy starts to trip, it's a perfect time for you to dip
7)When a woman talks intuition, Its just a cry for medical attention
8)If you were one way from the start, keep it that way or we'll part
9)If I drop the cash, Imma tap that ass.
10)The cost of being with a boss, is accepting all the jump-offs
THE C
11)If the holidays leave you strapped for time, hurry and get yours bcuz imma get mine
12)Nothing can ever come between, the man or woman who was first on the scene.
13)If what you want is clear, then i'll tell you what you wanna hear.
14)Stop the hate, let me procreate.
THE V-DAY COMMANDMENT
15)If the dog don't get the bone, stay your ass at home.
16)When I apologize, you gotta forget the lies.
17)Keep alot of ladies by your side and I guarantee they'll multiply.
18)If they're fine as hell, then you should be happy they'll get the tail.
19)If you wanna stay happy and avoid disaster, don't ask me for all the answers.
20)Stay fine; all the time; or I will find someone else and make them mine.
21)If you wanna keep peace at home; get yourself a 2nd phone.
22)When going out for a night on the town,don't bring your main squeez around.
23)Its your responsibility to know, if your lover has an extra ho!
24)Nice guys finish last, but RUDE boys get that ass.
25)If you choose to snooze dont be mad when you lose.
26)You better think twice before you take your mother's advice.
27)Im a cheat you know its true, if you break up with me shame on you.
28)If you can't fulfill my fantasies, I'll find someone else to get freaky with me.
29)Forget the money, I'll take the honey.
30)Let your man go, get yourself a sancho.31)Everyone Does Some Dirt, So Its Ok To Flirt...
32)IF THE JUDGE SAYS WE
33)SOMETIMES YOU
34)I don't have to tell you when were through, you should already know boo.
36) Dont complain about not getting enough quality time, you'll get that when I give you mine.
37) It aint cheating if its just eating
38)Its all apart of balling to ignore your spouses calling.
39)If I dont disclose all the facts it doesn't mean im lying about that
40)If that younger girl is moving to slow; get yourself a cougar, she's good to go.
41)Even though you moved on to the Next, its ok to kick it with the Ex.
42.) If you want your girl/guy to chase after Thee; Get in touch with your inner "G".
43.) If you want your love triangle to fly, one of your lovers must be willing to lie
44.) If you want to steal her from daddy's little girl, then you must constantly rock her world
45.) HALLOWEEN COMMANDMENT: If you got a face thats beat, I'd love to make you my trick and treat
46)The Moment you get out the pen, its time to get in
47.) If you got a good looking boo best believe i'll get at them right in front of you.
49) If your man has atory that is sincere, you must believe what you
hear.
50.)WHEN A WOMAN STEPS YOUR WAY, YOU GOTTA
51.)An Orgasm a Day Keeps All Your Problems Away!!
52.)If your love life needs an assist; Take it to the bedroom, ditch the list.
53.) If a 10 wants to be your friend; dont be mad at me, I gotta GET IT IN!!
54.) Its ok to hav an extra lady, as long as u dont bring home NO BABIES!!
55.) If I touch your heart and I reach your mind; in due time that ass I will grind.
56.) Comfort in a relationship is bad, thats why u need sum1 else who's down to smash!!
57.) Its better to be #2 or #3, its all the sex u want and its drama free...
58.)Let the past be the past or this relationship will end fast...
59.) If I decide we're done, when I inform you it wont be fun.
60.) CINCO DE MAYO COMMANDMENT: If im drunk, faded, and illin; its the best time for me to xpress my feeling.
61.) It doesn't matter if your brain is a mess; as long as your body looks the best!!
62.)If u got played like a game; u ONLY have your significant other to blame!!
63.) If you flew the coup; Its OK 4 me to swoop!!
64.)Father's Day Commandment:
Dads deserve sex anyway, So lets make everyday a happy Fathers Day!!
64.)If you pressure me for more, you'll force me to walk out the door!!77.) U can say "I love you" but i wont say it back, I'll just show u my love whenI get you in the sack!!78.)We all know that its on ya mind, so ladies dont be so picky when its time to bump & grind!!79.) To all the suga daddys and suga mommas; if we all stay in our lanes there won't be any drama!!80.) If there's one thing single ppl must understand; Shut Ya Mouth till u get a woman or man!!81.) Women come and go; thats why its still BROS before HOES!! (Happy Outgoing Enjoyable Singles)82.) If your relationship ends, its ok if your ex starts dating your friends!!83.)When I'm tryna get it rockin; I won't stand for no cockblocking!!84.) Don't Trip, Any form of attention, can help relieve the tension!!85.) If u keep them in fear everyday; they'll work extra hard, so that you won't go away!!86.)If a woman goes online to hit you up, then U R obligated to tap that butt.87.)U should always go back after the fights, if the person your with keeps their sex game tight!!88.)Xmas Commandment #3: If you wanna have happy holidays, Start a fight b4 Xmas night!!89.)Practice makes perfect, so felas sleep around, and ladies dont trip; cut it'll be worth it!!90.)There's nothing wrong with girls who sleep around; so stop using these negative words to bring them down!!91.)"If your taken and wanna stay hot, don't let anybody know what you got!!"92.)"When it comes down to the female drama, the best thing to do is side wit ya momma!!"93.) "If you got a lot of freaks just like me then change those freaks names to blocked ID!!"94.) "Valentine's Day is not about the gifts; its all about you letting me hit!!"95.) "A hobby will ensure you can get away, to go out and get it in 2day!!"96.) "If you wanna keep your side thing tame; use these tips to keep her in her lane!!"97.) "You won't know your in love unless; you get in the bed and have some sex!!"98.) "There should be no rift, about what I choose to do with you gift!!"99.) "I shouldn't have to talk, and I never have to take it. When I give "The Look", its time to get naked!!"100.) "Its More Shady when your lady is getting poked by other folk!!"101.) "You're with your co-workers all day, that makes em easy access when its time to play."102.) "If you live with your chick, tell your side girl your just taking care of her while she's sick."The Booty Call Sermon Part1: "If you wanna have sexual play, you have to convince her to stay."The Booty Call Sermon Part2: "If you wanna get back at her, you gotta make sure the sex is spectacular."The Booty Call Sermon Part3: "Before you Exit, Make sure you Sex it!!"103.) "Don't let ya friends ruin ya plans,when they only got bad things to say about your woman or man."104.) "I'm Single Fancy and Free; Your in a relationship, stay away from me!!"105.) "You'll never know how much better you can do; until you let me hook up with you!!"106.) "Clingy, I think not!! Give her less attention and she'll be on your jock."107.) "Your side chick from the get go, has got to have more info.!!"108.)"If you're tryna get women in ya life, the last thing you need is a woman's advice!!"109.) "If thou stanketh in the drawers, I shall not hit it at all!!"110.) "Cheating is cool as long as you remember the 3 'Golden Rules'!!!"111.) "If your popping bottles and spending cash, you a sucka if you don't get some ass!!"112.) "If you lady is angry and showing disrespect, what she really needs is to get a little wet!!"113.) "Kids, when you're thinking about a career, choose the one that will get your sex life in gear!!"114.) "Good Girls are Dead, Get you a Freak Instead!!"115.) "I'll pay a bill to get ya through, as long as you can put a smile on my face to!!"116.) " If you're a guy who's considered soft and sweet, a ratchet girl is who you need to meet!!"117.) Men, thinking like a woman will get you played, thinking like a man is how u get laid!!"118.) Fellas, If romance is not your style, look for the girl that's starting to act wild!!119.) Relationships require alot of things, to handle it all, recruit you a big as team!! 120.) U know your spouse is cheating so don't act blind...sympathy from me you find!!121.) If I don't get to touch, we gotta go Dutch!!122.) I didn't skeet, thus its incomplete, so you cannot call me a cheat!!123.) Ya can't go wrong, with zero contacts in ya phone!!124.) Its every woman's fantasy, to getin each others panties G!!125.) Whether it's right or wrong ain't for me to decide, but cheating wouldn't happen if ladies closed their thighs!!!126.) Nowhere in the world, is it ok for a guy to be compared to a girl!!!127.) When ya 1st meet, be sweet and soft, and I guarantee she will break you off!!128.)If they brag about your sexual skills, it'll make it easier to close the deals!!129.)Its the holidays, u know its crazy man, keep it moving always have a plan!!130.) It's 2013 my frends, it's time for everybody to get it in!!131.) Don't judge a book by its cover; judge him by his skills as a lover!!132.) Ladies always say there is not enough goodudes, so if you know one that's taken you still gotta make a move!!133.) Carmen's right, you need a stripper in your life.!!134.) The Prophet loves to preach, but when it comes to sex, I aint got time to teach!!135.)When a man sleeps around, he's a stud and a playa. When a woman does the same we should show love, not hate her.136.) When your getting freaky and girls are on you, that is not the time to think "what would Greg do?"137.) Low on cash due to lack of labor, don't worry baby we can do favor for a favor!!138.)Tell tha world you got ya girl a gift or two, then other girls will wanna get with you!!139.) Ladies if you don't wanna get hurt and end up asking why, strike first and take advantage of a nice guy!!140.) For all my disciples who wanna get like me, at least once in your life get it in with three!! 141.) Treat em classy, make em your friend, but don't worry fellas, you;ll still smash in the end!!! 142.) Ladies, when ya catch ya man cheating, show some class; no need to get crazy and beat ass!!!143.) If you don't orgasm 5 times a week, it's ok 4 you to go out and cheat!!144.) Telling me who I can and can't talk to you, you got some nerve; saying I can't have ex's in my phone, trick SWERVE!!145.) When it comes to classy cheating, you can pay a little or pay a lot, but know you gotta pay something once you get caught!146.)When ya in a relationship, going for the single jump-off is wrong. U need to find sum1 else in a relationship to get it on.147.) Independent women get a clue, you can't have it all unless you have a man boo.
Friday, August 31, 2012
